Tara and I met in the early aughts when we were both working at an educational publishing company in Cambridge, Massachusetts. As two freshman editorial assistants we easily fell in step with our shared love of KEXP and pizza. It was a lonely time for me, having just arrived back from an isolating year in Europe. I needed someone to pull me out of my haze upon returning to a post 9/11 country and Bush in the White House. And Tara did just that.
It is no surprise to me that Tara is working all over the world and living in Mexico. I can’t imagine her life any other way. Since Cambridge she has lived in Hawaii, California, Oregon, Colorado, New York City (where we luckily had a brief overlap), and now Mexico. Tara gives a very simple explanation when asked how she makes this work, it’s always been this way for them. Traveling is part of how they operate as a couple, and now it is how they live together as a family.
NTB: Can you describe to us what your life is like these days?
I met my husband on a trip almost 5 years ago. He was our eco-adventure tour guide. Once we got married and pregnant with Soma, we thought long and hard about where to live. We traveled all around Mexico, Canada, and Europe for the first year and a half while I worked remotely as a director of client engagement (basically client management for creative companies). We finally settled on the little town of Todos Santos, just 40 miles north of Cabo San Lucas in Baja, California.
NTB: Is your husbands family close by? What was your first year like in Mexico?
We have family close by and they are amazing… about 45 mins away in Cabo. My first year here I was traveling to the US for work the majority of the time so I almost didn't feel like I really lived abroad. The biggest challenge early on was not speaking Spanish, but thankfully that has improved :-).
NTB: How does family life differ there than in California?
Family life here is so so much more focused on than in the US. It's the most important thing and the time that is celebrated the most frequently. The strength and focus on family still amazes me, as a significant cultural difference. Everyone is there to support you immediately, in any way they can.
NTB: I was just reading an article about Mexico and the importance of family values. “Family remains among the most important elements in Mexican society, both in private and public life.” And I thought of the phrase I heard in Mexcio while staying there years ago:
“Cuando llegan los problemas, es tu familia la que te apoya.
When trouble comes, it’s your family that supports you.”
NTB: How has your career life changed since you became a mother?
I am the main earner in our family so my salary is crucial. For the most part I've been consulting or freelancing, so I'm always on the lookout for my next opportunity. I also started working remotely 100% of the time with the exception of travel. I always hated going into an office and working from home gives me the opportunity to check in throughout the day on Soma.
NTB: How did you decide that you would be the one to work and your husband stay home?
My ability to work remotely from the US provides us so much more income than the same amount of work would from my husband. Financially, it makes sense for us and thankfully he's excited to step into the role as the primary caregiver so we can also save money on child care.
NTB: I was just looking at some cost of living comparisons and I see that the average monthly salary after taxes in Mexico is $502.77 compared to the US salary of $3,201.94.
When we were both working in New York we were in the arts and not making enough combined income to buy in the areas we wanted to live in. Now we live in a less expensive city and have retained one New York paying job, which has allowed us to live in the area we want while working remotely. We are all trying to hack the system. Freelancing and remote work help.
Affording to live where you work can be tricky in urban areas. Several of our friends in Brooklyn decided to buy houses in upstate New York and continue renting in Brooklyn to be close to their work. Our friends in LA are going through the same thing.
Unisom put out a report in 2018 breaking down the home affordability across the US and their data shows that in order to own a home in Manhattan you would need to earn around $400,000 and in Brooklyn about $250,000. Not crazy in a city that has a potential for great earning, but crazy because so few of us do. The median income for a family as reported in the 2017 census for the Brooklyn Borough was $52,782. The city still needs teachers and civil servants (and all the other normal people!), who are no longer able to live where they work… or anywhere close.
And to further this depressing discussion here is a good article describing why it is so much more difficult to buy a home now than it was in the 1950’s.
NTB: What does the average day look like for you?
Get up, breakfast for myself and the little guy, usually whole grain bread with avocado and tomatoes, cereal for him if he's not interested. My entire routine used to be based on coffee but I'm two months pregnant so now it's anything that helps my nausea ;-) Then my husband drops him off to school and I go downstairs to my office area and start working.
NTB: Giving up coffee for my first pregnancy was brutal. My primary care physician was pregnant at the same time and she told me she continued to drink a morning cup every day. Thank God! I started drinking coffee immediately. For both pregnancies I kept it to 200 mg per day (one medium strength cup of coffee in the morning. Still a harsh change from my preferred Shot in the Dark). Here is a good article from The College of Family Physicians of Canada:
Overall conclusions include that there is insufficient evidence of a causal association between caffeine use and increase in spontaneous abortions, particularly if less than 300 mg/d is consumed; there is no increased risk of birth defects; and there are insignificant reductions in fetal growth with caffeine consumption of 300 mg/d or less.5–7
NTB: When you have a work trip is there something you always make sure you do for yourself? Like see friends or go to a special spot in LA?
I definitely take the time to enjoy myself, order room service and wine and any other self care I can fit in (massage, brows, lol). I really try to relish that time to myself when I can and enjoy those moments alone. It's also a special time to reconnect with friends over dinner and wine which I try to do on each trip if I can!
NTB: I remember the first time I took a trip without my youngest son I thought, “I am going to cry the whole cab ride to the airport.” And then I got in the cab and there wasn’t a tear drop to be seen. I felt so very good.
In terms of music, I'm usually trying to listen to something that calms me and am currently listening to a classical playlist. I also love listening to KCRW streaming since it helps with any homesickness and reminds me of my usual mornings.
NTB: How does it work when you travel?
When I travel it can be challenging. For short trips, less than 4 nights, I usually leave my son with my husband. For longer trips, or subsequent trips that require multiple client visits, I usually bring him with me and we make a home-base out of my parents house in San Diego. Most of my clients are typically on the West Coast.
NTB: That is such a great idea! Does this change when your son is in school? Your parents must love that.
Well, we just take him out of school whenever we want. For better or for worse! As he gets older that might change of course. We're still looking into alternative school options as he gets older. In the town we are in now they have an older Waldorf program and a Montessori school. But of course, we don't know how long we'll stay here or where we're off to next! So that makes planning ahead a bit challenging.
NTB: What is the most challenging part for you? And for your family?
Being the primary earner, it can be hard not to get bogged down by the stress of everything. And this stress effects us. Having and making time for our relationship, and truly appreciating each other, is something we still struggle to do. Nonetheless, the longer we are together the stronger we become. The bonds of this new "family" we've created get stronger and stronger, and that gives me hope.
NTB: Have you come up with any strategies to help yourself and your family get through these trips?
I used to avoid facetime or calling since I thought it would make my son upset when I was gone, but then I realized that was the worst thing I could do since to him it seemed like I just disappeared for a couple of days and that must have been so stressful. Now we have regularly scheduled calls when I'm away and we also try to plan on fun activities for him as a distraction since Mom is away
NTB: What are some challenges you face as a mother?
Finding time for myself. I still haven't lost my baby weight and I've really struggled with finding time to excercise regularly, drink less wine and focus on a healthy diet. Sometimes it feels like I'm just eating whatever I can to get a meal in!
NTB: It is so hard to to do that! Recently I have made the plan to wake at 6 am and do an 18-minute morning yoga program and fingers crossed the boys wake up at 6:30. This has yet to work… But I’m thinking if I try this 7 days a week and get it right twice? That will have me feeling really good. What have you been finding that works? Oh and technically there is no wine in my house Monday - Thursday... why is that so hard?
SO HARD! I was trying to do this prenatal workout my first couple months and totally fell off the bandwagon. All I want to do is laydown and curl up in bed with nausea and exhaustion. I haven't worked out in WEEKS! But I did jump off the boat into the ocean yesterday and got a little tiny swim in :-) So that's something?
NTB: Did you always know you wanted to be a mom?
Yea I did. It was always a dream of mine. Though I hate being pregnant, I can't wait to have a family of 4. Won't say I'm not terrified about it as well though!
NTB: What exactly scares you about it? Why do you hate being pregnant?
I'm scared to play all my roles, mom to the toddler, mom to baby, work self and wife :-O I'm sure I'll get through it but I'm starting to realize how easy we have it with just one!
NTB: Do you have goals for yourself and your family for the next 5 years?
YES! I would love to find a way to earn income through consulting just part-time and developing income properties so we can travel between them and most of all enjoy more family time and flexibility. I would love to find a way to turn my consulting business into a profitable side-venture, while coming out positive on our properties! We currently have a beach house for rent on the pacific coast of mainland Mexico and are working on our full-time residence in Todos Santos, that I hope to rent out occasionally. Next on our list is a little apartment in the beautiful, historic city of Merida in the Yucatan.
NTB: This sounds like such a dreamy plan. Exploration is your natural state… Do you have any tricks for traveling with kids? Special items or tactics you use? Or one time it just didn’t work?
I think I've always loved traveling and the more I do it the more I get addicted. It stems from this feeling I get of claustrophobia, or feeling trapped, when I'm anywhere for too long. Just recently Baja and Todos Santos have felt like that a bit, I think part of it is the commitment of building a house. But knowing we have a couple options and the potential for more, and the ability to rent out the houses for income, makes me feel a lot better and less tied down. Our ideal scenario is probably 3 months in one place, 6 months in another. Again, when Soma get's older we'll have to figure this out since neither of us are ready to take on homeschooling!